“It’s God’s work to do”: [un]Apologetic conference attendee equipped with tools to strengthen her faith after deconstruction

Prior to attending the [un]Apologetic Evangelism Conference, Kara Griffis, a first-time attendee, was a student at Dallas Baptist University in the late 90s, where she began to experience “contagious doubts” in her faith. 

“My minor at DBU was religion, and I love history, so I took as many crossover religion and history classes as I could. Up until that time, I had never questioned anything I had been taught in church,” said Griffis. “[But] as I learned more about those topics, for the first time in my life, I had questions I could not answer with a Christianese mantra or Bible verse. I began to question if big, confusing and important doctrines were true or just “decided” by Catholic priests during councils. One question turned into another, and they multiplied quickly.” 

She said she “got genuinely afraid” when she began to question Jesus. 

“I remember when I first really started questioning if Jesus really was who he says he was, and I got genuinely afraid,” said Griffis. “I remember in class one time I asked my professor, [who] was talking about what makes somebody an Orthodox Christian, and he listed the essential doctrines, and the Trinity was in there, and I remember raising my hand and saying, ‘So if you don’t believe in the Trinity, then you’re not a Christian,’ and he stopped and addressed it… that’s when I got worried about my salvation.” 

Griffis said as her doubt snowballed, becoming bigger, she came to a point where she decided, “I can't believe this anymore.” 

She said, “Eventually, after a long and slow process, God restored my faith.” 

“Over a really slow amount of time, probably 10 or 15 years, I just reluctantly would take small steps forward, and, I mean, God was really patient with me because I would take some steps forward and some steps back… I think that would put up a lot of like kind of walls in me about God [but] I would surrender a little bit at a time,” said Griffis. “[Eventually], God restored my faith… and when I started going to the church I’m at right now, I feel like the kind of dominoes started falling into place as far as getting better discipleship and getting [a] better understanding about who God is.” 

“I’m not the only person” 

Griffis said the [un]Apologetic conference was a “full circle moment” for her because she was able to be equipped with tools to defend the faith she once doubted. 

The [un]Apologetic Evangelism Conference is a conference that helps individuals strengthen their faith and learn how to engage others with the gospel. In February, the conference welcomed Tim Barnett, apologist and speaker with Stand to Reason (STR), and Alisa Childers, apologist, blogger, speaker and author, who discussed doubt and faith deconstruction. 

Griffis said she has been “drawn to apologetics for a few years” so she followed Barnett’s “Red Pen Logic” page on TikTok, where Barnett “applie[s] the red pen” to bad theological thinking, for “about a year” before the conference. She said he started talking about his book “The Deconstruction of Christianity,” which he co-wrote with Childers. 

“I immediately bought it and read it, and I have passed it along to several friends,” said Griffis. 

From there, Griffis started following Childers on social media, too, as well as reading her books and listening to her podcast. 

She said what impacted her the most while reading “The Deconstruction of Christianity” was how much she related to Childers’ testimony of deconstruction.  

“When I [deconstructed], I didn’t call it deconstruction because it wasn’t a movement. This was like the late 90s, and I was at DBU, and everyone I had grown up with was a Christian, and I couldn’t relate to anyone, and] no one could relate to me,” explained Griffis. “I don’t really know anyone who deconstructed and then came back to historical, biblical Christianity. So Alisa’s story really drew me in in that regard because I don’t know that she ever fully lost her faith, but she started going, I think, in that direction, and then ended up back in like truth. So that really made me feel like, ‘Oh, I’m not the only person.’” 

So when Childers announced on social media that she would be a keynote speaker at [un]Apologetic Conference alongside Barnett, she registered. 

Doubting with others to get genuine answers 

Griffis said since the conference, several points have stuck with her: “doubting out loud,” “find a safe place” and seek answers.

On the first day of the conference, Childers and Barnett led the first keynote session. Childers shared her testimony, and Barnett followed by teaching attendees what it looks like to doubt in a healthy way. He used John the Baptist as an example. 

“[He] talked about John the Baptist and how he doubted out loud, and he doubted with others… [because doubt] snowballs and it kind of gets out of control before anybody is aware of it. So [he said], ‘Don’t suppress your doubts,’” said Griffis. “[He] said doubts left ignored or unanswered are deadly, and I find that is true for me.” 

She said because she didn’t have a solid understanding of “who God is [and] what the gospel is about” before deconstructing, she still struggles with doubt and has “lots of questions,” but her pastor and small group leader have welcomed those questions. She said that has made a difference in her faith today.

“I will always struggle with understanding some things and having doubts creep in. But I think what’s different is I used to have this almost tortured approach to it, where if I didn’t have an answer for something, I couldn’t move on,” explained Griffis. “Now if I don’t have an answer, I still want to answer, but if something doesn’t make sense to me or I can’t really quite wrap my head around it, I think I just have more trust in God that I don’t have to understand it [right away]... But it doesn’t stop me in my tracks and derail me into a million other doubts and questions.”

Griffis said this is partly due to “being able to ask questions to people that I trust” and receive genuine answers. 

The second point that has impacted her is to “find a safe place with others… and then seek answers.”

“[Childers] listed all these things, ‘What do I know? Truth exists. God is real. The Bible is reliable.’ … and then that Jesus can handle your doubts too,” said Griffis. 

She said in Barnett’s portion of the keynote, he encouraged attendees that “[God’s] big enough to handle [doubts and questions]. You don’t have to hide it or stuff it away… [because] doubts are normal, and they actually can be valuable.” 

Griffis said she “started doubting [her] doubts” when she found a safe place with her friends. 

“I had initially a lot of euphoria about getting out of religion. It felt really freeing, and I’ve never been bitter… It was hard for me to buy into this idea that he doesn’t care about anything [and] he doesn’t care about us… [so] I kind of started doubting my doubts,” said Griffis. “Then, I had some friends that would talk to me and try to… gently bring me back in or throw a life jacket out to me… [and] spoke a lot of truth to me, and were really patient about it.” 

Griffis said her friends “didn’t shy away” from her as she expressed doubt and lack of faith, but "treated me like I was still their friend, like there wasn’t anything different.” She said this taught her that it’s “the work of God” that restores people’s faith. 

“Nobody can talk someone back to their faith… because if so, I would have already been back to believing [in Jesus] like two years later or something, but it was really like the work of God in me,” said Griffis. “They were just patient, loving and kind and gentle and faithful, and I didn’t register it at the time… but looking back on it, [they were being like Jesus to me], and that has been what I’ve seen a lot of the church not do well in my life. [But] when I’ve seen it done well, it’s transformational.” 

The final point Griffis took from the conference was to seek answers because “the other side of doubt is when you can have a really authentic faith.” She said she has seen this in her own life. 

“[Doubt] actually can strengthen your faith more, and that is definitely what I have found– The other side of doubt is authentic, grounded, rooted faith as opposed to inherited, shallow, regurgitating, platitudes type of religious tradition,” said Griffis. “I’ve heard people say before that doubts are good for you, but I never had it explained to me [before this conference]. But [by] working through [doubts], you build your own faith. It strengthens your relationship with God, and it helps you make it an authentic thing to you.” 

“It’s God’s work” to restore faith

She said that learning about apologetics has equipped her with truths that combat unbiblical claims and helped her understand and be rooted in her faith. 

“I wish I was that person that could just have big faith without seeing or without [fully understanding], but I’m just not. So for me, being able to have grounded truth to understand and to see historically and all this evidence and [the] consistency [of it] is very reaffirming for me,” said Griffis. “It’s nice to have it be something authentically, truly mine, and be able to really believe it, and not halfway believe it and kind of think it’s not true in the back of my mind, but really, truly believe it.” 

Griffis said “in the last 4 or 5 years” her “spiritual health has accelerated” and people have noticed. 

"It’s interesting because in the last few years, I cannot tell you how many times people have been like, ‘You seem happier.’ 

“The amount of peace and like genuine joy that [I’m experiencing] – it’s obvious to people around me that something is different,” said Griffis. “Even people who don’t believe the same way as me, they can’t really deny it. There’s no denying it. I’ve had multiple people tell me that, and I’ve said to them, ‘It’s basically just Jesus.”

She encouraged family and friends of someone who is considering or currently deconstructing their faith to “speak truth, be like loving and represent like the fruits of the Spirit” to their loved one. 

“Never shy away from truth, but always say it with gentleness and love… [The] work has to be done from God,” said Griffis. “You’re never going to be able to talk your [loved one] into anything or out of anything, but it’s God’s work to do in them. So I think our job is to love and speak truth and be the best representative of Jesus that we can… just modeling and being with people, [allowing them] to see that peace that you really have [with Christ].” 

The next [un]Apologetic conference is set to take place on Oct. 18 at First Baptist Richardson. To learn more and register for the conference, visit txb.org/unapologetic.