Trust is hard for me. Not because I've been let down or burned by people I had once trusted, but because I like to think I don't have to trust people to begin with. I can keep everything inside, and do everything myself. I wish I could be a self-sufficient individual who doesn't need to rely on anyone or anything, but I am not, and it has been made very apparent to me this year.
I went at this past semester, Spring 2015, like I was a hot shot. It was my sixth semester of college, and I thought I knew what I was doing. I signed up for tough classes I was excited for, and continued to be involved on campus and planned to use the semester to look and apply for a summer internship. Little did I know what else the semester would hold. I became sick several times, my family was plagued by vehicle accidents and a failing relationship left me feeling worthless. These things constantly affected my grades and my motivation. I rolled with the punches, barely scraping by, and I made it to the end of the semester bruised, battered and exhausted.
I remember thinking at the end of this, "I just need one thing to go right." And then I instantly realized I hadn't been trusting God. I wasn't relying on Him for anything! I thought I could handle everything, and I continued to think that until I was proven absolutely wrong.
So, I spent tons of time in prayer, admitting to God that I was prideful, but I knew that everything I set out to accomplish would only be made possible by Him. It was so hard to admit that! Letting go of the small amount of control I had proved to be difficult, but He instantly showed me that He is in control. He invented control! I don't know what would compel me to think I could do anything without the help of the One who created me – the One who created everything I know and everything I don't know.
I was instantly surrounded by the best people in my life. They loved on me and encouraged me, and it left me feeling motivated to complete the projects that had been beating me down. I completed everything, and ended up making the Dean's List. And at the end of all of this, God blessed me with the opportunity to intern with Texas Baptists this summer! I have had the best summer, and things are looking great for me. I can confidently say that none of this was my doing, but God's. And as I enter into my last semester of college and prepare to enter full blown adulthood (which terrifies me by the way) I am confident in the Lord. My future is in His hands.
He who trusts in himself is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom is kept safe. Proverbs 28:26